Bear with me now.
I’m not saying anal is replacing oral as a physical act, I mean as a discussion topic and even as a labelling act (unfortunately). It used to be that giving a man a blowjob was a disgusting thing that you would never ever do but if, for some reason, you ‘accidentally’ ended up doing it, you would definitely not admit it. To anyone.
Well that’s where anal has replaced oral.
Nowadays (oh God I’m turning into that 80 year old again aren’t I?), getting your lips around a throbbing cock is acceptable. You don’t brag about it (well you might if Katy or me are your mates), but it’s perfectly OK to say that you may have, once or twice, allowed someone to place his penis in your mouth. For fucks sake you can swallow as much as you like too! The thing you must never even mention, unless you are slagging someone else off of course, is having, or even dreaming about having anal sex.
Then you’re a whore. No, not just a whore. Oh no. You’re a skanky, nasty, dirty little slutty whore who takes it up the arse in back alleys to anyone who offers it to you. Oh yes, all that, and more if you know particularly articulate girls.
Ready for the twist? It’s just like it was with oral. Everyone is doing it. No one will admit to it.
Case in point. I was in Harmony the other day talking to one of the assistants about a rather scary looking spiky cock ring (…thing) and we got onto the subject of anal. It was kind of like:
Her: Have you noticed that it seems all men are obsessed with anal? (said with a disgusted look on her face)
Me: Yes! It seems like all they want to do it! Do they not realise the actual purpose of the vagina? (Add equally disgusted look)
Her: I know! Honestly we should shove one of these (picks up large dildo) up their arses and see what they say!
Me: (laughing) We really should.
The disgusted look did not make it to the eyes, we both knew what the other was saying: Anal, bless it, is fantastic. We just can’t admit it and that later on that night we would be begging our respective others to fuck us up the arse. Hard.
And the stupid thing? We were in a shop devoted to sex, half of the toys were bloody well designed for anal! I wonder if she was making a real suggestion with the dildo? I know The Bloke Indoors is pretty open for experimentation but I think 9” is a bit much even for him!